Just forget April 30th
I know I'm repeating things I've already blogged about but it's just that everything is repeating again. I don't like that this happens but it doing it again. Life is weird and always makes sure to suprise you or pop out from something you weren't even aware of. Life continue whether you are sad or happy it just does what it likes and messes around with you. It makes you crawl when you struggle and lets you walk when it feels generous. Maybe it even lets you rest for a bit. On a chair covered in thorns but you sit regardless because you need a break you don't even care that you are screaming in pain you sit regardless. Buh Bye
Look at what you've lost and be thankful you grew even if just a bit

I won, you lost April 29th
It was gonna happen eventually. You think I would let things just slide past me like that?
Face the music and dance

Too bad, So sad April 25th
Things seem to start going back into the fighting that was happening before and I don't know why. My friends are fine but it's my mind that keeps jumping to things and running around trying to make sense of something that is very clear. I also have been watching my funny little shows that make me njbfoiah I don't know it's just a good show. Anyways besides that things at home are getting better there is a lot less screming and yelling so that's good. There is more mess for me to clean up tho... but I don't mind. I don't have anything cool or exciting to entertain you with i'm just a person, in a school, on your computer(in your closet) that just lives a normal life but has a very not normal brain. We all aren't normal what so ever but like I think i'm worse sooooooo. BUH BYE!
Friends are forever so hold tight and don't let go, cherish every moment you have, good or bad.

Forget April 24th
I can't seem to let go of things when I try and let them go. My brain just stops every time and I can't help myself. I can't get rid of my thoughts and I feel like im trapped. Maybe I will just bury it in a pile of work and just throw it out the window like it doesn't matter what so ever. I hate my stupid brain and I wish I were someone else.
Time and time again you'll play the fool

Tired April 23rd
Hiii guys! If you can't tell I'm tired because I'm in class but like so is everyone else soooo too bad I guess. Blogs might get more lazy but I'm doing my best and I'm sorry. Besides my tirednes and other things I am trying to make things for others and if you guys can help me in any way that would be amazing so like.. go to Brooke's cool website and like join the discord to help me or just talk you should find the discord server easily in her thing so like yeah. Erm i'm in chamistry rn and I have to focus soooooo Buh Bye!!!
I keep mentioning Brooke's discord and my discord but like bear with me please T^T

Loneliness April 22nd
It's been a while since I've cried in someone's arms. Even with my last... person. I've never cried in their arms. I don't like asking my friends nor my family. I don't want them to be worried about me. Even then saying that I want to only want someone specific to see me cry is selfish and unfair. I don't know why i'm like this tho. I don't want someone else right now. Maybe later but not now. But I can't help but cry.
I wish I was been better for myself

The Summer Breeze April 21st
The sky is so clear, there is a breeze through the window and my dog is right next to me. Nothing is troubling me and nothing bad has happened. My hair isn't frizzy or messy. My brother just got me food and I can eat it on my bed. I have music on and the house is silent. I love this. All my friends are happy and we are talking and laughing. No Pain. No Sadness. I love it. I love you all!
Life is constant pain no matter what you do so try not to get so upset at the small things and look for the bigger picture

All about Pickle April 20th
Pickle is sooooo cool Pickle is so smary and funny
If you don't like pickle we are gonna fight

Yet Again Just Me April 19th
Hello again! Erm so like this site is getting a lot of views... like 12,000 somehow ;-;. So like i wanna say hello again. Haiii! My real name is ^#$*# and I'm 15 T-T... I'm a little hispanic boy who is very chunky and large(It's becausse I'm sooooo cool). I am a very complicated person just ask anyone who knows me! Errrmmmm I live in Michigan and it's kinda cool here I guess. I've never been anywhere nor remember any of Guatemala soooooooo yeah! Uhh my favorite color is yellow because it looks like and can attract bees(I've done this before) and it's just a very cute color. I'm like 5 something????? I don't know my height but I am short. I'm in drumline(hopefully audition results haven't come back yet) as you can tell I like doing this (*insert unnecessary explination/fact of previous topic here*) so you'll see that a lot. I have a very weird music taste despite spotify telling me im basic... (I also like doing the ... a lot). I have friends who I love deeply but I would never say that to them out loud because they would throw a chicken fry from burger king at me T^T. Apparently I'm very strong because whenever I punch them because I'm bored they start saying 'ow'(I punch people while I'm bored because I'm comfotable enough with them to feel like I'm not gonna get jumped) soooooo my bad I guess. uhhhhh if you couldn't tell I'm a little silly (I like men >:3) Sooo yeah that should be it... If you want to know more(weirdo)((Jk I love you)) send me a message on discord or like post a comment ifbuiuef OKAY BUH BYE!!
Once you break someone they will realize what they have is everything they need

Another day passes April 18th
I survived the PSAT... It was easy...(I'm scared) and that was a change except for the second math part which is still incredibly hard T^T. Besides that I don't think I have anything to get in the way of my blogs for a good while. Soooo as days pass it gets funnier and funnier in my little brain. I brought up adding lyrics to midifreak to Brooke and she liked the idea buuuuuuuuuut... I sing stuff but never write it down... or show it to Brooke.(IM SCARED) I've never written lyrics and not even sang any of my own for- the internet. Aaaaand It's kinda scary. I hate how much I can but also can't do it... Stuff is weird and my voice isn't trained nor good for singing loudly and with confidence(I've only sang in the shower with music at full blast) so we'll see how it goes. Maybe you'll get to hear me in a Midifreak remake??? Maybe not???? It's up to Brooke if she even wants to. So with my brain dying and my heart still running in circles BUH BYE!
Do you ever wonder if birds get scared of flying or if a girrafe is scared of looking down?

Sorry!T^T April 17th
Heyyyyyy so like... I have my funny little test today so I won't be able to blog normally today. Just for today tho so like it's not that bad. Anyways errrmmm I will eat all your walls... soon... because you're cool. BUH BYE!!
It's gonna happen... You left your window open

Just For You! April 16th
Recently I asked made a statement on how I literally only blog on here and how I felt like I was weird due to most of you guys having something to offer on your sites. You guys are all amazing from your website layouts to art, music, photography, ect. I felt weird but you guys seem to like my thoughts(they are scary sometimes and I also don't like them sometimes) which is crazy to me. So this blog is just me Thanking those who commented and talked to me about it! Even if you didn't just reading my blog makes me feel so happy. So to anyone and everyone thank you so much! I will try and show my appreciation(idk if i spelled that right) a bit more also also if you are in the neocities discord errrmmm like talking to me or something(I'm Temmie) I would love to thank you verbally and not just through my blog. That's it for now you guys are amazing tho!! I Luv youuu ^_^!!!! BUH BYE!!!
Thank you so much for 12K Views!!!(How is that possible ;-; )

With Discomfort Comes Comfort April 15th
Though I hate the warmth and the sun beaming down on my during the summer where there's no rain. I can't help but smile when I'm with the people I love. Their laughter and smiles are like d#^&$ to me and I love it. With the warm tempeture comes that godlike feeling when you feel the wind pick up and your worries fly away like the wind. With the summer comes being outside and just running with no end goal in sight. With sumer comes feelings that have been lost. With summer comes heart break from the far past. Nevertheless at some point something might be wrong. Nothing can never truly be perfect but the idea of getting there is just enough. Even if it's not perfect.
Frolic in the fields with me!

The Warmth April 14th
It's so warm but I hate it when it's warm. It makes me uncomfortable and I feel weird. It make me irritable. I try and get cloder when it's too warm but when it's cold I feel safe and if it gets too cold I can always just find an easy solution. I hate the warm and it's gonna consume me soon.
Most people are just pretending

Everything and All of Me April 13th
When I was a kid, I had a small community around me. A bunch of hispanics on a small block all going to the same school. I was very timid and easily immpressionable. I tried my best to fit in but couldn't find a way to fit in. Everyone else was loud, mean, way too energetic and sometimes they just pushed me away. At home wasn't any better. My parents both had jobs they worked hard and did everything for me and my siblings, 5 siblings at the time when I was born but having a family and a very big one at that can lead to problems either with rooms with was just a matress and a couple of blankets and pillows, love, money, or just time in gerneral. I was and still am a crybaby. I had to have things my way or i would cry. My oldest brother didn't like that and forced a lot of stuff onto me. He taught me to be strong and forced it onto me to be like him. I didn't like that and would cry constantly. He would shut me up and then leave me alone for that day. Just to do it again the very next day. I don't hate him for this. I see why. It was all he knew. My parents had him and then they kept having more kids, moving houses constantly, pushing all the things they didn't have time for onto him. He had to grow up quickly... and then there was me. The newest child. The youngest and the one with no cares. By the time I knew how to divide and multiply we were on our 3rd house. This one we stuck with but eventually had to also give up. With all this time passing my parents decided to have two more kids, 7 kids now and now I was in my older brothers shoes. Suddenly before I could even understand how to find areas in a square and how a cube was made, I was pushed into caring for kids, making them food and making sure they fell asleep. Eventually we all grew up. Everything isn't how it was. I became angered at everything and constantly tried to fit in. By this time I had a couple of close friends who I loved and still love for never leaving me. I would try and fit in even with them. Changing myself and everything just to fit in even though I already had. Eveyrthing was overwhelming, I couldn't think, I couldn't focus in class, my head was hurting and eberyone was loud again... and then I saw someone. They caught my eye. It was a boy. I was a boy. But I liked him a lot... I tried to say something and I was shot down immendiately. My heart was broken and I was scared of what was gonna happen. I hid myself and I cried a lot and then I made my 'mask'. I used this and I still use it a lot. After that years passed by and then I tried once again with Love. This caused me to drive myself crazy until I was sent to a place to get help. I came bac and nothing much has changed. I was given medicine that I only used for a bit. I never wanted to take it because it never seemed to work but i didnt want to say anything beause I thought they would blame and say I'm just not noticing it. After that I didn't say anything and I was fine. Until again and again and again and again, I kept falling to love. And I kept being thrown down into the mud. I got up and then I let it happen again as I told you. This time I was met with an actualy reply and kindness. I don't know how to feel. But at least it's not sad and I'm still confidently smiling. Thank you for that #$@%@#$ I know you'll never see my blog but thank you so much! Im so greateful for your kindness!
We're finally free! -coffeebug lyrics

It's so windy It's so windy
It's so windy
It's so Windy

I'm Just Human April 12
I can't escape my feelings... I can fix them and I can't push them down until they burn themselves out. The only way to fix it.. is to be straight forward and not run. Go straight through the core and stay there. Don't run. Don't f@&% up. Don't cry. Be unforgiving. Don't think and just drive forward.
The path to forgiveness has to start with something unforgiveable

Delusional Little Boy April 11
Making messes you can never clean. Making everyone else take care of your problems. Yearning for something that would never work. Give up.
If you give up now you will make the people around you happier

The Stupid Dreams Of A Boy? April 11
I have dreams... they are all unreasonable, and very harmful to everyone around me. It doesn't help that(this is gonna sound weird) I'm different from everyone around me. You can see me in a sea of people most people don't look like me and they don't act the same way I do. Standing out is horrible and with this feeling of needing to catch my dreams they don't mix well. My current dream is him... It's not something I'm proud of. I hate this so much. I can't help it and it's consuming me. I hate everything I can't get away. I keep using the stupid FU@$&^% mask and it doesn't help. I pretend like it's something small and tell everyone it's just something small. I'm scared and I just want things to go back to normal. I don't even know what is normal but I just don't want this. It suck so much I can't stop thinking about what might happen and it will be bad. I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING. Sad part is, I can't stay focused on anything else. I don't need to be worrying about this right now. I shouldn't be and I'm so stupid for falling to this and making it my friends problem that I'm acting weird so suddenly. I don't know what to do.
Dreams are often unreachable and idiotic.

Hell is other people April 10
My current feelings are unwavering. They are infact growing... I need help from someone that doesn't know how I feel towards anyone. I can't tell anyone how I feel because I know they will think Im crazy but I don't care about any of that. I just wanna be with jvbevbuiebvfijbfib mHAHBAHAHAHISBDUEBWHC. Buh BYe.
I didn't know other people read/watched Bleach(slaid) they are they coolest people tho :3

Again, Again and(you'll never believe this) Again April 9
Haaaiiiiiiiiiiii, how have you guys been? This is technically the second day back buuuuuuuuut I got lazy soooooooo yeah. You'll never believe what has happened.*Dramatic Drumroll* I. SmallMunchlax. The gayest and the silliest person. Have yet again. Fallen in love(I have a crush on him) with another straight man! Were you guys excited? Was it shocking? Because it wasn't at all to me. So yeah... that happened. I don't know how but something keeps clicking in my little head that's like, straight men... perfect😈. So like I can't help it T^T. JIOIHIJQPIQE I am spiraling hiufefbeoifwe. AHHHHH!!! I hate this!!!!! I don't like anyone else at my school. Adn they would probably jump me if I said the smallest thing to them. This was infact a SmallMunchlax Production. Buh Bye!!!!!!(also I got a plushie of a kitty)
Love is Messy

Spring March 28
Today is the last day before spring break. It'll be a nice break away from everything and a much needed one at that. People around me are changing and it's scary but I'll be fine. Trying to find them and help them is the best thing I can do. For now i'll focus on myself try not to be a B!%(# and just get things straight..... I love you guys :3 Buh Bye!
Where life will take you is unknown but that should bring you comfort

Friends 1/??? March 27
Brooke seems sad... I don't know how to help she doesn't like anything I try and do for her if I ask her she gets mad because I keep asking, if I give her a hug it seems like she is going to punch me. And when I don't do anything at all she seems mad that I didn't do anything. I don't know how to help her if she doesn't like anything I try and do for her. I know she reads my blogs and I know she hates it when I ramble on and on forever so this is gonna be short. Buh Bye.
Try and try again please don't give up

The Field of Dreams March 26
Everyone's dreams are here all their hopes. On rare ocasions there is a dream that is lost. A flower that wilts. I don't know why I'm here I don't even have a job or something I need to do I'm just here. Sitting in the grass. Things seem hopeful here but who knows how I get out.
IUED*(@DUHUD*H (*DHB@@ (HD*(HD)(C)@C I$CB U(*) ))@#C+_#{{E CP{ C){O C{C@I

Life As A River March 25
Time has always been fast, too fast even making me feel like I have to catch up and also not drown. I could get out the river and take a break but seeing most who have they tend to get left behind and forgoten. Sometimes they make it back but at that point they have missed out on so much and they should've just stayed. That person would be me. I have complained and gotten out because I was tired. Because I didn't like being in the river. That has made me who I am and I hate myself for how many times I have left the river. We all strive to get to the end where we find a calm lake but it just seems so far. The river leading to the lake is scary, full of many pointy rocks and roots that will drag you down into the river and hold you there if you aren't careful. I only payed attention to the roots and rock that I didn't stop to see that if we just make a few minor adjustments we will be fine and even if it might delay our path to the lake it would only take a bit. The added stress out the danger would be gone completly. Everyone seems like they have found their lake but most have fallen into a puddle or even got tricked by a pond. It's scary to know that even if I find a lake it might be a pond, or a puddle, or even just my imagination. In the end making it to the lake is worth it but with all that said, I've been dragged down by a root many times. My lungs full of water but still the river forces me to move even if just a bit. I know I can't keep getting out the river, but being on a root seems hopeless. I have people who do their best to keep me going and I couldn't be happier but when I manage to break free there is a storm that pushes us back and forth.
Having struggled is better than struggling, having a scar is btter than being wounded. (why trust me I'm just a kid in your computer)

YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH March 21
YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH. hello smallmunchlax enjoyers. This is a blog and i'm not dying anymore(my throat is itchy tho...) so like that's really cool. Anyways live has been cool beside the last post which errmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Idk i guess I just do stuff nd feel like that so uhhh. Anyways like pople seem to be getting stressed and angry all around me and i don't know why. If i try to help I ussualy hinder them and make them angrier so likehsigudsiuu i can't think of anything good to say whatsoever. So like... Buh Bye!!
What's the point of being angry if you are still breathing

BLEEEHHHH March 20
HIIIIIII again.... :3 so like it's later in th day and i can post in my fifth hour so posting again. So like... i forgot what i was gonna blog about..... so erm eubifkbfowhfidhvid I am gonna try and get a job somewhere near my house. If anyone can like give me advice for something please let me know... bdfgbsiufhuidshfiu so like my friends are fighting a lot and it's not good. People are upset even though the person they are angry at has a very good defence that they can't really do anything about and if they want to do things they can schedule their own things... but besides that one of my friends is like suffering in silence because I don't think he voices how he feels at all because of the way he is. Um it's all very weird because like I don't know why they are angry because as mentioned before they can do their own stuff. People drift apart and it's vital to how life is. Not eveyone makes it out the same and still together people do change and that change might be horrible. It might be scary and something you don't agree with. It can hurt but at some point. It's gonna be reality there's no chaning it. You could choose to hold onto a single cord trying your absolute best to keep it together but in the end why just one when evrything else is ripped apart. If you let the cord go you still have something but maybe they don't go toether again, so it's gonna be hard but maybe you can learn a better way. Only in some certian times are you able to rebuild them but the chances are slim. Everything might be back to how it was but is it really that great. Is it the same? Will it ever be? Probably not. Even then through all this loss that life gives make sure to leave all of thm with a feeling of hope. A different view. A different place. Maybe it wasn't like what you had before but it was fun to have what you had before but isn't it better that you found something new. Don't dwell on what was but be happy with what is. It's okay to look back but it's not good to wish it would be the same. Wishing never works, it all has to have some effort behind it. Buh Bye!
Keep your head up high because what good is it to look down

RAAAAHHHHHH March 20
What's up again guys.... *Cough* *Even worse cough* *I'm gonna die cough* Anyways so like... I was sick. If you couldn't tell😝 So like I decided to stay home yesterday and it was probably for the best because like it got worse yesterday but then my mom got me this medicine that always works. I has like a giant wheel on the front full of colors and says all in one on it so like yeah(and she gave me some tea). So like im better... it's still bad tho. Errrrmmmmm like besides that i'm back at school and not just rotting in my bed. ihsuiuief if you couldn't tell I suck at keeping a conversation even if i'm the only one speaking (I am so sorry to whoever added me on discord i forgot your name and I stopped stalking after like 2 minutes (T^T) sorry) and it's horrible. But like besides all that I feel something... like safe i guess. So like... I gotta get a job man. I tried once and I got denied (I tried to help out at a coffee shop but I was too young to not be trusted to die) so i like cried and haven't tried again. I also need to lear how to drive because i gotta get on that. Ermmm more will be posted I have to debate rn. BUH BYE!!
YOU ARE AMAZING (you get an imaginary poorly drawn star)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH March 18
I HATE THIIIISSSSSS. IT'S SOO BOORING!!!!!!! hi guys what's up. anyways so like my weekend was funny but also the most uncofortable thing ever. We had to go take family pictures and for some reason we had to use a WHITE SHIRT(i dont like shirts in general but having one that is white is even worse an makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I hated that, and then i got like sick and I still am (HELP I KEEP COUGHING). Anyways after abit of thinking I relized maybe i shouldn't have like been wearing shorts while it was cold out... i'm still going to anyways. So like I feel sick and uihefiuewhofeaohfihof so like that should be it. BUH BYE!!!
Just slow it down, not everything is better sped up

WaWa March 15
Heeeeyyyyyyyyyyy guuuuuuyyyyyysssss, so like how have you been? That's... something(O_O). Anyways so like it's been a very nice... one day. I've not been doing much but I don't think I can tbh because my family is taking pictures which takes like 2 HOURS for some reason. Besides that I feel like my eekend will be very calm and nice. Also Marching band is coming up so that will be fun. Errrmmm like yeah that should be all hduifjihpdsfisdihufgiufhuif BUH BYE!!!!
Take a bath once in a while, don't forget the importance of a rubber duck floating

RAAHAHAHAHAH March 14
HAIIIII. hey guys. what's up.(it's the sky) So like we played at the stray yesterday and it was so cool. Also I forgot my music o i had to play from memory which was so cool, because like I remembered it but still. It was funny. Getting set up and packing up was really hard. Also like two kids from my school showed up. It was odd but like yeah. Everything was really cool and now I get a break from playing music for a bit. Today nothing was going on and then I heard that the outcast of our band(no one likes him... even the teacher probably) like snitched on us to someone and then they got mad even though he was agreeing with us on everything we said. Soooo like thats funny. I don't care whatsoever but it was funny. That is all, as always if anthing is wrong im not gonna correct it. Buh BYE!!!
No one is ever perfect in their own eyes.

Blerg pt 2 March 13
Blerg, aanyways uhh so like festival, it was underwhelming at best. Last year it was fun but this year it just sucked a lot. We didn't mess up on music we did good but like when we were going back something shifted (also this girl is like really weird and she sat infront of me on the bus) and Brooke seemed upset and I don't know how to fix it, because they don't like physical contact which is like all I know how to do because I can't give good advice or calm someone down. Anyways after that I went to the gym and passed out. So like that is all of what happened. Buh Bye!!!!!
What are you going to gain being idle? IM SORRY March 13
IM SORRY! I HAVENT BLOGGED IN LIKE TWO DAY BUT STILL. Ive been really busy with stuff and I haven't been in school and i don't blog when i get home because I don't wanna get my chromebook out and then but it back because im lazy :P. I'll start blogging on the weekends and after school if you guys want, but like. No one has ever left a comment on my site. I get why but like still, T^T. Anyways I just wanted to let you guys know that i'm not dead for some reason. so uhhhhh buh bye!!!
Stay Comfy, Stay Patient

Weekend and dnewufw March 11
Hello guys, so like things have been just nice so far, nothing bad and nothing too good. I went to Brooke's birthday party thing and it was real fun. We went bowling and I suck at it so it was funny. Anyways so like I'm watching a movie in class rn(I'm in Reel History) and this guy is going crazy right now(I watching The Aviator) and yeah. Anyways so like that should be all. Erm Cerberus from fortnite is hot and that's it BUH BYE!
I don't know maybe ask someone else, they might tell you the same thing

School n stuff March 8
Haaaaiiiiiii so like im going to the gym no with one of my friends because I'm soooo coool, and it's really fun. Everything right now is amazing and perfect. I like this. Very fun stuff. There was this girl in a glass who i had to do a QUIZ with(it was a partner thing for some reason) and she didnt want to be my partner so I called her a f*&&@% and then she looked at me. It was funny because shes like small... (hispanic) very small. (hispanic people are very short for some reason, mostly the women) Anyways that is all for today! BUH BYE!!!!
Now you sit in your field, all fully grown and you forget the storm that came before it.

BLEHHH xP March 7
Haiiii, erm like yesterday I had a concert and it was so cool cause I got to wear my dress and I looked like a witch, but there was this kid in like 8th grade who kept asking me if I was a boy which is like... can you not tell??????? I don't think I look feminine(words are hard T^T) but aparently to this child I looked like a woman. Besides that tho my concert was cool and I didn't mess up once X3. So like yeah it was cool. Only bad part was that festival was cancled due to no power being on sooooooooooooooooo womp womp. It will happen next tuesday which is awesome. I also have a gig at a coffee shop with my friends and it's gonna be so cool because we are literaly sooooo cool. (i say cool a lot, its a habit and a bad one) That should be all for now. And like thanks to that one guy who followed me and said my site was cool (I don't know what's cool about it ;-;) BUH BYE!!
Eventualy you're gonna forget all about it so why not get it out the way

NOO (TOT) March 6
Hey guys so like my band festival got cancled and it was stupid because they don't have power but we could literaly just go outside and play there. Like we don't need to be inside. Besides that the day has barely started, and im already on 3rd hour and i hate it. Shorter days are cool because I can go home early but the fact our schedule is fucked beyond recognition is wild for no good reason. Anyways thats about it. Nothing really good or bad just an update. Erm like buh bye
The word weird can never be truly defined.

IM BAAAACK 🐺 March 5
HEEEYYYYYYY guyyyysss im back after a while. Not really but like... anyways more blog happening, I have so much to talk about but like i forgot most of it. First thing to talk about is that I am completly fine and don't need any therapy and or asylum time. Im going to the gym with my friend and we are gonna get real strong :3. I am very happy rn and i've completly forgoten about any negative thoughts because im just soooo coool. Erm like this one girl started some drama and it was real funny because we all got confused and we were talking about different people. Anyways some friend group stuff is falling apart but like I think we'll be fine. I know I will but this one friend I don't think is. He might be very mad but I don't think he expresses them at all. So like that should be all for today ill let you guys know if anything changes. Erm Like buh bye
HAPPY C R E A T I O N DAY BROOOOOOOOOKEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HUHJSHJHJXWHJKXHJKW YIPPEEE Febuary 28
Hi guuuuyyyyysssss I can make a blog in fifth hour. Ive never done this before because it's usualy blocked this hour so thats fire. This hour is preeeetttyyyy goooood I have friends I sit next to in this class. So like life has been good so far. Nothing bad has been happening. I've been able to have more time than I realized. The days feel longer which is cool cause I have "more time" to do cool stuff and talk to my friends. Expect boooooooooring updates cause yeahh. Buh Bye!!!
In the end what else are we gonna do?

WaWa Febuary 27
jwjibbuiwb haiiii :3 so like the past day have been reeeeeaaaalllll good everything has been goinng well and im enjoying just being here with my friends. Nothing has happened. I know from my last two blog posts it seems like ive been slowly going insane but I decided there is no good reason to be cryig and trying to explain myself in whatever way. I should just be myself and be cool. So like I left all that shit behind sooooo like i'm good now. Anyways like erm buh bye.
The grass is still greener but you have to decide if you want to cross to see it.

Reality Febuary 26
In reality what am I confused about. I am just a guy, how could I possibly make someone who is straight happy. In reality break ups are hard to comprehend, I try to forget about it as much as I can. I try to run as far away as I can and just stay there, like a baby. In reality I shouldn't have put my expectations so high. In reality was I really gonna have a future with him. I'm just a child trying to go as fast as I can because I feel like if I slow down i'll be left behind again. I try to do all these things and people tell me to slow down and to wait a bit. I don't want to wait I can't just stand by and let my life just go at this incredibly slow pace. I need something to push me forward. I need to keep driving and pushing forward. I need to make sure I can become what I want to. I need to male sure im not a failure. These two things don't connect at all. But in reality should I even still be here?
Make sure to be less than what you expect or else you'll drown yourself out.

Confusion Febuary 25
Dear Smallmunchers... I know you all proably realize that Feburary the 20th was infact the wost day of my life(besides a couple others) and that being, I was dumped by my boyfriend. I am fine with the entire thing truly. I have no bad feelings towards him. No hate no anger. I don't even feel upset that he found a girlfriend already after like 1 day. What im trying to get at is im not mad that we are gone what I am furious about is these feelings i have. With him things were easy to understand and I could express myself freely and he woiuld listen but now I can't find that same person. I have friends and my family and they are amzaing the best people ever but I hav caused my family enough trouble and my brothers are still probably asleep while im typing this (its 11:37) and my parents would probably take me becak to the rehab center. These past couple of days I have tried my hardest to be perfectly fine with my emotions. By that I mean I have been masking my sadness, pretending, not reaching out for help and even pretentding that it doesn't bother me and saying that to my friends. Truth is I don't know what to do anymore. I know what to do physically, get a job, drive, workout with my friend, But everything else seems to fall and crumble. When I tried to become a better person and maybe figure out who i am a little more I was with him. When I wanted to find more music to listen to I went to him for suggestions. And now here i am on my bed with my dog crying over someone who probably didn't even like boys. I have been a failure when it comes to relationships even now I don't have the best connections with my friends there is so much I need to tell them and It feels hard to even come out and say anything. And then there is this problem with touch. My love language is physical touch. Im not sure why or how due to my childhood and even now consisting of constant hugs, pick ups, holds, cuddling and even punching(not hard tho). I just find the idea of touching someone and them touching me back in a way that isnt just because we have to due to a connection already there and formed. I need someone to hold. I don't know what to do and the longer I go on without this touch the more i realize I have been getting it, but with him. With him there wasnt a day i didn't hold his hand or give him a hug and even when I couldn't I was always talking to him or thinking about him and now that I can't the days feel empty. My porpuse used to be become better for him and everyone else but now it feels like I don't have an end goal in mind. People say not to dwell on the past and just move on because it's the best thing to do. I just can't due to being able to have evverything I wanted and needed. I had a boyfriend who loved me. Technically we are still holding the promise together but I feel maybe we shouldn't. Seeing him again with someone new was a wake up call on how I was controlling myself and getting over him. I didn't expect to feel everything all at once and crumble so easily. I thought I had prepared so much. Turns out im just a kid. A stupid little boy who can't get his shit together and has to run to someone for comfort and peace. Turns out im a baby. I never thought this would hurt this much but I have been suprising myself in all sorts of ways. Every thing I do now is altered. I started to lash out, I started to cry even more, I screamed at my family because of one small comment. One small single text and I knew i was done. He had never started the conversation before. I would always have to beg and cry and whine until he responded once just to leave me on read and go play with his friends. I knew we were destined to fail. I told myself to not fall in too much because when I did end up alone again it would hurt more. Every little thing about him was different. That day he was someone new. He had energy. He was happy and he payed attention. God knows what he did but I sure as hell know I could never recieve that from him. Every part of me feels horrible and in pain from what I probably caused him. I hate seeing myself smile but I have this tupid mask that I put on knowing that itll make it worse. He was the reason I wasn't completly found dead in my room(not really but a major part nonetheless). I spent a fucking half of a regular class with him and I couldn't bear it. It was so uncomfortable. I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell at him. I want to throw myself out the window. I wanted to slam his head on the desk repeatedly. I wanted him back. I fought myself so much and beat myself up knowing that if I didn't I would cry out for him and attempt to rebuild something that wasn't worth building. I hate these feelings but now I have no where to put them. I would love to run into someones arms and just cry forever into them. Just a couple minutes. Even if for just one I would be in pure bliss. But no one in my life can mak that happen. Now after all these months we spent together I really wanted to make it a year. I wanted to finaly reach that point and have a stupid date that would last the whole day. Now I have no where to go that will make me feel better. I told all my friends about him and me breaking up and they are helpful but everything in my brain rejects them. One of my friends wants revenge, one of them said it was expected, one of them I can't seem to listen to. I hate how I probably make them feel through this whole thing. Eventually I know i'll get over this stupid lying, crying and obssesiveness. I know eventually i'll be able to laugh about it. Eventually I know we will all be friends again. That goal seems impossible to reach right now but eventually it will happen and he'll be an after thought. I want this to happen sooner than later. I can't get over my stupid heart wanting to hold someone. Things will be better. He made a promise once and I knew it would be broken but not so soon. Funniest part is that the same day I spent money to get something I knew he liked and he wanted. I knew it would be perfect. That same day he broke up with me. That stupid day. The house is quiet. I can only hear the birds and my music. My dog is crying while I pet her. My heart will eventually stop. I know that he isn't thinking about me whatsoever and that breaks my heart even more. I know he forgot about me that same day. I wanted to be his. I know now that maybe we go for someone worse than him. I need someone who isn't on par with him. I know now that I deserve the worst person for me. It seems that the only way I can be happy is with someone who couldn't care less.
Love is such a fragile thing and like most things it needs work, as much as you can give but not too much or else you'll find yourself doing all of it.

Happiest Day Febuary 21
Yesterday was the greatest day of my life, everything was just perfect and amazing. It was simple, nothing was overwhelming, I felt happy. Yesterday was purely amazing. Today might just be as amazing as yesterday. I've never felt so happy. (why tho)
If it looks good, feels good there's probably a catch

School and My Life Febuary 20
Heyyy guys so like im having a weird time in school because I feel like an idiot but somehow I am doing perfectly fine in all my classes. My boyfriends birthday is coming up and I don't know what to get him. I'll probably just go and find something for him like at the mall or something. I hate shopping ecspecialy for other people because I can never guess what they want. So i've been thinking about stuff and being tired. It sounds fun but in reality it's not. I keep overthinking stuff and being a brat when things don't go my way. I want to like explode but life is too good not to live it. That's funny to say and I thought I would just say it because what else would I say. I feel as if you guys just like sight read this and then just leave and that's fine also I don't know if you guys even like this blog because it's just me saying everything that happens and most of it is rants. I don't know if this is good at all. Anyways that's all I really had to say uhhhh Buh Bye.
Everyone deserves to rest(except for that one bitch on discord)

current thoughts on the world Febuary 19
Everything is going to shit and we are all gonna burn eventually so you might as well give up while you have the chance. NAHHHHH im just kidding :3 the world is cool and funny also life is awesome sauce and if you don't like it you are like weird or something or like in the hospital dying in which case... oops.
Anyways my school is playing the news and showing highlights of the schools talent show. I would never be on that but like the people who are doing it are like good. I wouldn't clap for them(besides my friend who decided to do it) but i'm sure they are better than me at whatever they are doing. People in my class are laughing and it's funny.
Besides that I feel completly fine besides saturday when my brain melted or something and we pranked called my drum tech... so that was weird and then Brooke hit me because they put a sticker on me and i no no wanna so i put it on their hoodie(it got stuck). Anyways if they do that again in tht specific area i'm gonna like explode like scream, punch, strangle, or like cry. Either one it's gonna be weird and im gonna throw myself out the window.Uhhhhhhh sooooo like that's alll remember to like stay alive or else you don't have motion. Buh Bye!!
Wouldn't the world be better off if we took nonsense more seriously?

Again For the First Time Febuary 16
I forgot to blog for a day also I got the date wrong for valentines day like an idiot(I just changed it). So like since that i've been doing better. I feel better I haven't talked to people but i kept apologizing to my boyfriend over and over and he was confused and just didn't get an answer. Anyways besides that I don't really have anything to talk about so like. buh bye!
Every bad thing happens for a reason

Valentines Day Febuary 15
Happy Valentines Day!!! I don't know how to feel about today... I've never had an actual Valentine(because im just too cool for these "men") and like I don't know how I got one this year. This day has sucked and I don't expect it to ever change. People start to do a lot of PDA on this day. I hate how this day is supposed to work. Minly I guess my problem was I never got to do this holiday and I never expected to. Besides that this day has ussualy been an okay day. I think I need to do something but I'm not sure how. Anyways I think that's all... Buh Bye!
You are more beautiful than you think(except for that one bitch on discord)

Cupid Febuary 13
Heeeeeyyy small munchers so basically im here to tell you that cupid is dumb stupid little baby and you should never rely on it because it doesn't even know the alphabet. That being said I will explode if i see another freaking thing on an ad about "Cupid is here for you" Die. Im gonna like diee. Idk it seems kinda funny. I don't know if i need help or something. I probably do. I ran out of my pills a while ago. I haven't told my mom because I feel as if i don't need them. BESIDES THAT i feel im oing a very shit job right now. Im sad, angry upset, confused, lost, helpless, and somehow bitchy. I don't like having all of these emotions all at once. I hate being like this. I tried my best to not be lik ethis but i still am. I haven't been doing well as you can probably tell. But for some reason I just act happy around everyone even though im not. I immediately change when they are around and it makes me worried I can't ever be able to express myself correctly. I find it funny that this weird website with a fucking blue sky background and munchlax is throwing out all these depressing things. I guess thats all for now. Plese don't be like me. This is hell and I hate it so much.(this had nothing to do with cupid)
Things will get better but things have to change and you might need to let go of something.

Stuff Some Junk And Even More Stuff Febuary 12
So like we had the sleepover at Brooke's and it was reaaalll fun. We played games and just kinda sat around and then watched a movie.(I personally think we should watch more movies at the hangouts tbh) Like i got to see my boyfriend and like be with him (ANDBHDBIBWEDIBIBWIW XD DHEBCIB) and it was realllyy fun. So like when i got home i collapsed into bed and fell asleep for 8 hours and then i didn't sleep last night. Errrmmmmmmmm I think that's all so erm Buh Bye.
Give someone a copliment they probably don't get one often(except for that one bitch on discord)

Haaaiiii Febuary 9
Hey guys so like i get to hand out with my friends today XP it's gonna be reallllyyyyyy fun and cool. We haven't hung out for a good minute and it's gonna be fun. I love being with my friends I can be as loud as i want and not be scared about what they think probably... Anyways yeah fun times. and then tommorow we do solo and ensemble for band at wyoming and it's gonna be stupid because tbh we like kinda suck at the song we are playing rn. But we'll make it. This weekend will be fun.
If you wanna view paridise simple look at them and view it

Uhhhhh Febuary 8
Stuff has been boooooring in class and I finished all my work so it's even worse. Bad part is that i took out my switch and started playing because I was bored and then the teacher yelled at me for being on it and not doing my work even though it was all done. She didn't write me up which is nice because i usualy never do this nor do i get caught when I do. I don't know what to do and I don't want to sleep because I know I won't wake up and like die or something. Anyways this was just a thing bcause I can't do anything else. Anyways Buh Bye.
if you run around fast enough you'll realize it was pointlees

School Shit Febuary 7
Haiiii again. I am in first hour rn and it's very booring. We just had a test and I'm done and probab;y fucked it up but thats okay. We got new seats and they sat next to the kid who smells like shit somehow(we are sophmores how is this still happening) and I hate it and also he is sleeping and snoring and it's very loud.Anyways besides that I feel almost better about yesterday. It's still stuck in my mind that I probably will have to drop band for my classes but maybe it's for the best. Along with this I am loosing my boyfriend probably in july he has to move and i won't be able to see him much. I feel scared because one of my friends had this happen to them and they broke up(i wanted them to tho so like maybe not) either way I feel stuck. So like I feel weird.Buh Bye
But time is the one thing no one is master of.

UHCHJVE Febuary 6
What's absolutely popping small munchers im feeling like shit but lets talk about it as if im a news reporter or a very excited youtuber about to talk to you about raid shadow legends. Anyways so whats been going on is that i am currently spiralling. I feel like maybe I am moving too fast and instead of a shooting star im a fucking meteor about to absolutely get decimated by a black hole. I want all these things to be able to stay with all my friends at school and just stick together forever. I want to get into this program and do something that will take away some of these things. I feel like I have all these expectations stacked on top of me. My hands are shaky and I am starting to slip in all my classes. Math has been a strugle somehow and I have zero idea what is happening in chemistry. I just need to make my parents happy and be their perfect child that will go to college and be the role model for everyone. I need help. I need guidance. Im just barely a teenager. I barely turned 16 I think. I don't remember how old i am. I can't remember anything. I feel lost and I just wanna dissapear. I want everyone to forget who I am and be happy. I need to stop but I can't when im so close to getting what I wanted. Anywys guys hope you enjoyed this episode of me being weird and even weirder. Make sure to like subscribe and hit that bell icon. And ill see you in the next one :3. Buh Bye.
Brooke is dead as fuck

>:D Febuary 5
Haaaiiiiiiiii so like history is boring and I don't know what to post because my brain is dying.
(Go lsten to Brooke's music it's better than whatever you are listening to)

Stufffffffffffffffff Febuary 2
Haiiiiiiiiiii so like nothing interestng has happened that would be worth blogging. So like... Bye
That's the sound of forgiveness screaming and then silence

Bleehhhhh :3 Febuary 1
I feel weird rn. I feel happy, I don't feel sad. I feel like something hurts. I feel like maybe something is wrong. I HATE MYSELF. Blehhh :3
It's normal people things to just to sit here in silence

Mask January 31
Whenever I feel upset I tend to use a mask to make sure others don't worry. I start laughing if someone asks if im wrong. Brooke had to experience that once and I never apologized. I want to but I think they are upset so i'll give them space. My whole family has experienced my laughing when i'm sad and they had no idea I was upset but just thought I was really weird. I don't know when this started because before when I was upset I just cried and cried until I didn't feel bad. I'm not sure what has changed. Bye.
Look around, there's no one there

Mood Swing January 30
I hate having mood swings I could be the happiest I am and then suddenly feel like I mean nothing to anyone and I should just give up. I've been having these for a while, almost a year now I think. I have been reflecting on what I have done while in these mood swings. I have done some of the worst shit ever and I never want to do that again. But I know that it will and I'm sorry for whoever it may affect. That's not an excuse but more of a warning. I feel bad for everyone who has experienced them. I feel very bad. My friends I worry for the most. I don't really care all that much about if my family experiences them. That seems very negative but I don't care all that much. I guess that's all I have to say. Bye.
No one truely wants to help

Clothes January 29
The way I dress is weird, I don't follow any rules of like fashion or whatever but I don't try all that much. Also every piece of clothing that I like, or want to get is either, too expensive, has a brand right in the middle, or just weird because for some unknown reason they have fucking looney toons characters imprinted everywhere on it. I just want clothes, no weird charecter bullshit just clothes. I want a regular shirt that looks good without some random live laugh love phrase on the back. I just want something that is normal. I hate how things are made. But even then when I look in places that are made for people like me I find no connection at all. I don't know what is wrong with me but I end up hating the clothes that I get after wearing them for a bit. Bye
Why stuggle? It's not like anyone would care

Ummmm January 26
So like. I hate school, not because of the work. It very easy tbh but its just because of the people around me. I hate them so much. They avoid talking to me for some reason. We had a project we had to do for History and they started to say the most stupidest things I have ever heard. Their points were so off topic and we had a limit to how much we could write and they wasted them all on the stupidest shit. That was 2nd hour. 3rd hour is just there. It's english and tht very easy for me. I realize that maybe im smarter than my brothers. I had to help Eddy who is a senior put periods in his sentances for all of his entire senior projet. I had to sit down and try to explain where to put periods in sentances to a senior. I didn't like that. Any of it. seeing him strugling to put a period somewhere made me think what the fuck I did to stop them from doing everything they could. I know for a fact that when they tried to teach him to put periods in his sentances my other brother geo who is way older than us was hitting him in the basement because he couldn't do some insaine wrestling move that I didn't want to do so I ran and cried to my mom. Which made Geo made and lash out on Eddy. I know that when he tried to do his homework for periods or anything about writing I was at the other end crying over multiplication. I know that when he wanted to study, I was somewhere crying because I was hungry, hurt, just sad, or didn't want to clean. I made him waste so much time and effort on me. He had to hold back so much because I was a baby and cried over everything. I know I messed up so much.
Choose how much shit you are willing to take from those around you.

AHWIUBD January 25
Heeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy so like i havent spoken to you guys directly in a while so umm like yeah... I've been crying myself to sleep again. It's nothing bad but like I've been just talking to myself and thinking about specific people. I don't know why i think of them but its very weird beause i shouldn't be this worried about anything. I hate having these thoughts and i feel scared.
Being hard on yourself isn't helping

Thoughts January 23
So like umm.. I'm 16 and I feel like im not doing anything but Brooke just told me that im moving too fast because i want to learn how to drive which is really weird to me because everyone has to learn once they are old enough I don't think im moving fast at all, If anything ive fallen behind. I need to push more and do stuff even faster. Im not sure if they are right or if im right. Stuff is confusing but i feel like maybe even if im moving too fast doing things early is better because you have a lot more time to prepare for other things once you get something out of the way. Um if you can somehow tell me in like comments or something please tell me also discord. I will appreciate anything you might have to say. Thank you for listening. Buh Bye.
stop to smell the flowers, there is a reason they are grown.

Voice January 19
I hate myself for not speaking out about how im feeling it sucks I can't speak out if I do then I feel stupid and i feel like i make everything someone elses problem. My eyes are heavy I can't think very well and i have history for 2 hours straight so im just gonna like die real quick.
maybe just sleep

Why Can't I Just Be Perfect January 18
Living has been hard for the most part. Once i get back from school I feel I have no purpose, I can't get a job because people say im too young and U can't get around anywhere because I don't have a car or know how to drive and I don't feel like asking someone to drive me. I don't like using other people even if they don't mind. I have been dying in bed due to not doing anything. I want to help people but i don't know if I can do it correctly without fucking it up. I'm scared but I fell like a baby for having these feelings but even thinking about having these makes me want to just stop and yell at myself. Even though I haven't done anything yet I feel like I have let everyone down and am a waste of space. I don't talk to people even though I said I would. I run from my problems a lot and I keep doing it even though I tell myself I should stop. I have a problem with no solution and I have to figure it out without any help or else I make the problem worse and everyone mad. I don't know what I want anymore and I don't think I need anything else. I can't even focus. I want to scream but when I do I feel stupid because how is this helping and I hate my voice. On the topic of me I hate myself a lot. I hate how wrong my body is and I know I caused it. Everything that I hate about me was at some point in my control I could've changed but I was scared and a baby. I didn't want to and just started crying and I ran away.
Hate yourself so no one else can

ANOTHER ONE January 16
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I hate myself. I hate evrything about me. I wish I was better. I wish i wasn't such a pussy and cried whenever something got hard. I wish I would've just followed my brothers and done what they did. I wish I would've just been honest. I wish i would've just been someone else. I wish I could make him happy. I wish I wasn't such a disgrace. I wish I could be different. I wish I would've just gone through with it. I wish I could've been different.
Everyone is looking at you with high hopes don't dissapoint them.

Future January 16
I haven't been doing well in a while. Last night was concerning. I started overthinking and i spiraled and I cried a lot way too much. I didn't get sleep until at 5 my body just shut down and i woke up at 6:33. My head hurt, i was sweaty and my eyes were heavy. Its funny because before this i had one of the best days. I got to hang out with friends and see my boyfriend and we had a lot of fun. But when i got home i started worrying about him about us. I know we are good tho. We have talked about this(mainly because of me) and we both know that no matter what well be secure as out little thing. But i can't help but feel as if when he goes ill spiral even more. I couldn't handle a couple of days away. So i know that it'll be torture. I always try and smile to do my best to not make my problem someone elses but I can't do anything about it. I just want to scream or be left alone for a while. My head hurts and im in class right now. So i should probably stop typing. Bye.
No one likes a baby

Heeeeeyyyyy guuuuyyyysss January 11
So like i forgot again but not much is really going on rn. Just kinda school stuff... So me and my friend milk(food names are back >:3) are like trying to go do stuff and its gonna be really fun so like ill update you if something happens about that. Ummmmmm i don't know. Is this interesting to you guys? Just like small undates on random stuff. Let me know somehow... buh bye
Crying isn't a bad thing

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh January 9
Hello again... so like its more of the same still i just kinda feel like shit so thts great. I am very scared still but ill try to talk about it to someone hopefully soon. i don't know whats going on in my life rn so thats great. so uhhh like buh bye.
Give yourself a break from time to time

WHERE AM I(also im back) January 8
So like i have no idea what is going on so i feel lost again but also not lost at the same time. I guess i feel like im in the middle of a crowd but no one is talking to me jjust pushng and moving around. But unfortunetly I am having another identity crisis which means i kinda feel like a girl but i don't think i could be. So break was not fun because i was just kinda dying. So like im scared for everything and im worried for what will happen next.I know i should talk about this with my friends but i feel like if i do im just pouring this stuff on them and just leaving it there. I dont like being helped but i think i should be asking for it. idk im scared i guess thats it uhhhhhh buh bye.
It's good to cry and let it all out

Stuff December 21
So now im just a day and then exams are done, brooke will be able to post and do stuff more, and ill be trying to find jobs and drive. I am still scared for driving and a job but like i dont know. Life seems to be moving way too fast for me to keep up. I probably sound like a baby for crying about stuff, but i dont know if its normal or not. I just want to say it to someone even if no one sees it. I am horrified but i dont think I should be. I have a bunch of people who support me but i feel like crying to them will get me laughed at because it has happened before. Anyways just 2 exams left and im off i was scared but now i kinda dont want them to be over with maybe? Im not sure. Buh bye
Peace comes to those who learn to accept

Blog post because I can December 20
Heeeyyyy guys so i forgot to post on tuesday but lke erm i died or something that day so its whatever. anyways i just finished my first 2 exams and they were both kinda easy which is giving me some hope for passing but as always i probably wont because I have an E in this one class but its just that one that im worried about so i think maybe ill be fine. So yeahhhhhhh erm buh bye.
Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Can you? December 18
Can you believe it guys christmas just a week away! Christmas is ina week! so like thats cool and stuff. anyways i have exams this week which means only today and tomorrow will have blogs because after that i just can't or will be dead either one. Life has been okay nothing happening but ive been able to talk to my friends also i can't find a job because im nervous and i dont know how to ask for a job... so yeah. if you guys can tell me or give me advice please do, im on brooke's discord thingy im LOSTCHILD PLEASE HELP T^T so yeah buh bye(I DID EDIT THIS BECAUSE I GOT MY OWN DISCORD TAG WRONG SORRY)

Guess what December 15
So like i keep forgetting i have this and forget to update it. So like nothing has been happening ;-; just normal school talk to friends and die but like i want more or something. I dont know i feel life is cocnstantly moving faster without me and i need to do stuff so i will. Everything is hard and confusing rn so im just scared. I have finals so i dont know if its really the best time to start doing things but i know i should start doing things. I guess im just scared or confused. Buh bye

It haened again December 11
So like i forgot about you guys again X3 im just sooooo coool that i forgotn soooo ill catch you guys up. So far i have done nothing really but i have been stopped from going to winter winds which is fine so like im gonna be so cool and like get a job now so like im gonna drive and crsh into a family of 5. so like new fornite update came out and it was very fun i made my friends mad but i was using reverse phycometry so its all good. I made them become friends after they were arguing by making them hate me. >;3 im just good like that. So like thas been it or now. so like buh bye munchers stay lazy and continue loafing fr fr. :3

Ermmm Hi December 5
I don't think i updated you guys yesterday on just stuff so sorry for that but i do forget a lot sorry... soooooo nothing much has happened since the last time but something that did hapen is that I can't do inter winds anymore because there is most likely going to be a fee and also my parents are done taking me places that they have to wake up early for, for no good reason other than I wanted to do it but they are tired and so am i honestly. I feel like ive done a lot for marching band but thats it ill just do marching band and maybe switch around stuff there but thats it. Also ive realized I need to grow up. I need to get a job. Get my shit together and just exist so thats what im going to do. Sure it kinda sucks that ill be thown immediatly into all of this but itll be fun and nice. Also also I need to be a better person so im just going to focus on that this winter. Im also going to learn how to drive which will be very fun and ill ram into any of you guys i see on the street because I love you. So this is just a notice. So like yeah and stuff... ive got nothing anymore so like buh bye.

Happy uhh like thingy December 1
Heeeyyy guys im doing great rn i just in a hallway with brooke and here she goes:
what's up gamers? coffee to the Bug here make sure u buy my FUCKING ALBUM ON THE 11th OF JANURARY I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU IF YOU DONT!!! shoutout to munch's ONE FUCKING FOLLOWER LETS GO!!!!!!!!
that was fucking weird anyways like i was going to say we are skipping class its very fun because i just get to hang out with my friends we should do this more only complaint is that my boyfriend isnt here I want him here because i didnt get to see him(it chrimus time fr fr >;3

Errrmm idk November 30
I ran out of title ideas because im just like that. Soooo ive gotten better and Chemistry class is annoying rn so im just writing a blog to pass the time. I got to see my boyfriend both today and yesterday. I like being back in class because I get to see all my friends and not be dying in a house without anyone bugging me. Buh Bye :3!

IIIIMMMMMMMM BAAAAAAACK November 29
Heeeyyy guys so like, Sorry for not posting for a while I had thanksgiving break and then I was dying(I ate too much becauyse im just like that). Anyways im still dying my nose is like weird and my throat is dying for some reason. I can talk normally but it hurts to do some stuff like scream, yell, cough and sneeze somehow(are my throat and nose connected?????) so now im back and its real fun. i missed school because 1. im a nerd and i actualy kind like school despite wanting to die everytime I leave 2. i misse my friends because they are the best ever unlike you loser(jk i love whoever reads this) 3. i miss my boyfriend and i kinda made him mad so i want to apolgize to him but i missed him mostly because he got over it and told me not to worry and he is the best ever. and finally 4. I kinda don't like my house. Its good and all like im greatful and I know without it i would die but like, my family is annoying like my younger siblings and my parents dont even pay attention to me they just focus on my younger siblings and yell at me for doing anything. Annnyywaaays i feel like i saw anyways too much because i do(please help me) so ill try and do something else. Before i go an you guys wonder if im dead... BUY BROOKE'S NEW ALBUM ITS REALLY GOOD I SWEAR!!!! Buh bye :3

Heeeeyyyyyyyyyy November 21
So like life has been good like very goood. you know the first part and there has also been a lot of other just cool things. i got to just eat in my second hour and ive gotten to hang out with my friends a lot. Ive been able to hang out with them more recently. Ive had more energy and just been happier. I like this a lot. Its really nice.

GUYYSYSSSSSS IUWHDIJWHDKJGD November 20
HI SI LIKE I HAD A SLEEP OVER WITH BROOKE AND MY BOYFRIEND WAS ABLE TO SLEEP OVER TOOO AND WE SLEPT NEXT TO EACHOTHER AND WE HELD HANDS AND HE WRAPPED HIS ARMS ARPUND ME!!!!C huhweiuofuif im sorry it's just very nice that he did that and i can't stop thinking about it. AHHHHHHHH uhfuihuh.WE WERE ALSO CUDDLING THE ENTIRE TIME(sorrry brooke)AND IT WAS SO NICE AND HIS HANDS FELT MY BODY AHHHHHH!!!! BUH BYE!!! SORRY XP

Just Hi November 17
Nothing important today and im sorry i didn't post yesterdday but whatever. Uhhh ive been feeling better taking things slightly more personally for better and for worse. I have science of foods which is just cooking class and im making Pretzels and it's real fun we just made the dough and on monday we are going to make the actual thing. People in school are getting very annoying tho. Theres this kid who wont stop saying my name repeatedly out loud which is annoting i've called to most of the school staff to talk about this but they just supervise. And the kid acts all nice when they do which is even more annoying. People keep putting their shit in my space and get mad when i try to move it. I hate the way people think. This is somewhat helping but I think I should actually talk to someone about these feelings tho. Anyways besides that school is very fun. That's all buh bye :]

Girl Gossip again November 16
Heeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy so like more girl gossip >;3 so Grape(Formerly Cheese) is supposed to fight this like edgar who is butt hurt over something that happened like two years ago and has been told by this edgar that he was going to get beat up but every tim they were either taken away by teachers or the kid din't do anything. AND now he is real butt hurt and is getting his SISTER which is a JUNIOR to fight Grape which is like why are you helping your brother(who is an eighth grade btw) fight a Freshman like girl :o. So anyways more gossip we finaly got Koby Smalls(actual name) to get away from our friend group. None of us liked him at all and he made us uncomfortable(I used to date him but we dont talk about that). So he finnaly got the hint we don't want him near us and now life is perfect ^^. Don't feel bad for him or I will find you. That's all, buh byeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Girl Gossip November 14
Hey so like girl gossip time even though im not a girrl but i am gay and have been called a woman many times so it counts. So me and.... Macaroon were talking last night and we were just gosiping about people like Jam(formerly egg) and Asparagus(Formerly ham) and how we think the thing going on there is gonna probably mostlikely going to die/fall apart/explode/implode////// basically we think they are going to break up because Jam is like very w e i r d and Asparagus is very cool and not weird. Also how Avocado(New person) and Ice Cream(Also new) are weird with eachother and I think Ice Cream is dying in their little thingy. There will be more gosip soon >:3. Buh Bye

Again for the first time November 13
Haaaiiiiii! So like I forgot again and i bet thats very fun for all of you. So like how have you been.......... That's great anyways me and brooke and most of my friends went to the mall it was very fun. I got a new sweater and i bought brooke a lot of stuff. I had fun but also wanted to die after i was done. I will post more often because I have been dying so yeah. BUH BYE!!!

Today.... November 8
So like today stuff has happened I woke up at 5 went on my phone and then woke up at 6:51 and I get to school on time somehow. Unfiortunetly I didn't see my boyfriend so kinda sad now unless he just got here late. Also I was supposed to present in U.S. History but since I was by myself(I fell asleep had no idea what was going on but still made an good presentation) and someone had also had my group thingy(I wasn't assigned to the group that I chose by myself) so the teacher just said he would look at it personally and I din't have to present which is nice but I kinda also wanted to present which is weird because I would have died. So that all for now because its barely 8:02 so bye I'll see you soon. :D

S O M E T H I N G November 7
Hi people in the computer on the internet listening to me, talking to you, watching you 0-0. So i've been dealing with some weird stuff letely and it's something i think you and someone else would find interesting. So like i've been having some weird feelings about who I am. So that means i've been debating if I am trans or not. I feel like i'm not but there is a lot of stuff that suggests that I am but I don't like having this debate in my mind. This is very sressful so like yeah.... buh bye.

HAAAAIIIIIIIIIII November 6
Hi guys how are you >:3. Anyways ive been feeling really good lately and i am so thankful. Besides failling U.S. History im very good rn. Ive talked to people about how i feel and been more open. I have take one of my friends advice and just been happy. Buh bye.(Third house locks my chromebook for some reason ;-;

Stuff part $*^&%*^$#*/)#(*&*# November 3
So last night I broke down and it wasn't fun. I was thinking about small things and they grew and grew until suddenly im wondering who I am and if i'm trans like Brooke has ben saying. That lead to me wondering why i was here and able to do all the things I can. I started having this conflict and that lead to me thinking my body isn't correct and that i'm horrible. I try and not to talk to anyone about these feeling because they usually lead to a sit down and a talk which I get is important but I don't want to talk about that stuff with them and it's scary. A bit ago we were in this weird time of class where we had to talk about our feelings and I got scared to talk wondering that if I opened my mouth the wrong things would come out and i'd be sent back to get help. I don't need help I just need to break out of this stupid feelings and get away from them. Free will is horifying knowing that I could without a warning start running from home. Run far away and not be heard of again. I don't like telling people because I feel like I push all this onto them and make them have to take care of me. It's selfish. On the other hand when I didn't my family started to yell at me that I just wasted my time at that place doing nothing and wasted their money. My brother even came up to me and said "why are you like this" he yelled at me that I was just seeking attention. I never tried to do that once I don't know where he got that from but the more I ran it through my head the more it stuck and I just started crying. I don't like talking to people about my emotions and I know someone I actually know is going to read this. Bye

Stuff part 2/????????? October 21
Haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii so hows stuff goin? haha you can't answer silly child in my puter. Anyways drama stuff has been happening so lets get this going cause there is a lot. All of these people are my friends but im just gonna call them random food cause I think thats what im supposed to do??????? So we have egg, cheese, ham, milk, and bread so egg and cheese were like talking a bit and everyone thought they liked each other a lot bu then out of nowhere egg starts to talk to ham waaaaaayyyyyy differently than when they talked to cheese and now everyone is just like :0. And at the same time this is happening bread dms me asking for help with trying to get with milk and I try my best BUT then Milk starts dming me trying to get help trying to get close to bread so im just in th middle now. So ive been trying to help Milk and Bread and trying my best not to gang up on egg. the craziest part is that cheese still likes egg but egg regected them so i dont know. So thats about it I hoped that you understood all that but if you dont i dont give a s@$* you can figure it out. All this food stuff is really confusin but like deal with it I guess. Anyways buh bye happy holloween I dont even know if thats how you spell it. Bye

Stuff part 1/????????? October 30
So you've probably heard from Brooke who coded my site that we are going to a friends house on tueday for halloween. I don't really like trick or treating nor do I feel like doing it but brooke said they would give me their hatsune miku shit. I probably can't fit in it cause im morbidy a beast as my doctor would say. >:3 Anyways so like class is boring and im kinda running out of news so bye and stuff. (drama post on the morrow)

Oops October 30
So like its been 6 days and I haven't posted so i will post this entire week cause I suck. So news for now, we got into finals beating 4 other bands who have great props(except orchard because theirs was more visual heavy and the music was okay...). It was really fun everyone got hugs and we cheered louder than 1st place ;-; so yeah. Buh bye. (probably will post many times today probably)

Stufff October 24
So like hi i didnt post yesterday cause I forgot and i was tired. stiff tire tho but its better i guess. Anyways I have been scared for what happens next because firstly marching band we might not make it to finals. Secondly I dont know how im feeling and I kinda keep forgetting to take my meds... Thirdly i have some stuff to do and to catch up in school cause i have a 28% in us history because i hate that class. Lastly my boyfriend is moving away soon and im very scared cause i want to see him everyday but now i cant so its gonna be weird and I jidsyfhu. Buh bye.

Yesterday October 20
(BROOKE DO NOT READ) Hi ther blog I have some sruff to tell you. So yesterday I went over to Brooke's house real fun but I also went with my best friend Izyy(I have known her forever litteraly my first friend) and to say that they seemed slight weird would be an understatement. They look like thy were flirting????? I dont know I've never done that or seen anyone do it and I deffinetly didn't haven't had anyone do it to me so idk what it was. They seemed really close and they were having fun together. Thing is Izzy doesn't want a relation ship yet(they have a lot going on) whixh is weird cause from my perspective I think she is hinting at it a lot that they really like Brooke but on the other hand they have said they don't like them like that but on the other other hand wouldn't you also deflect if someone said you liked someone that you actualy like? I am confused please dont say anything to Brooke about this cause like.... no. buh bye.

Stuff and things October 19
No blog yesterday because I was tired and most of my teachers just blocked everything besides school work idk why tho sorry... So I have a band competition this week on saturday and im very exciited. My friends have been really hyperactive and ive been a better friend. So things are going preety welll. Also my birthday was the 4th and my sister still hasn't given me my present. she has it but like hasn't given it or remembered it which is really funny. So to all the people in the magical internet on my puter. Thanks, I hope you guys get better as well(who ever reads my blog deffinetly has some mental illness) buh bye :3

Hooiiiiiiii October 17
WHY DOES SCHOOL HAVE TO BE SOOOO BOORRRRINNNNGGGG. Anyways how have you guys been doing.............. thats great anyways so like if any of you guys have like questions or something idk how you'll ask but i guess try to idk it sounds fun. Also thanks for reading my stupid blog. so ylugewgiy;fgyiaefiu;g er;gi w buh bye :3

Heeeeyyyyyyyy guys.... October 16
So like completly honest here sometimes i forget about this even though its in my bookmarks... so like anways current news on me. So we had a competition and we lost we got last in our flight(flight 5 btw) and I feel like it was my fault I made many mistakes and i messed up so bad I missed sets and when i was suposed to play. So that happened. And then when i got home i passed out i didn't shower and felt like shit and on top of all of that we had no food at my house and the water turned off beacause of a leak in my house. My parents left us home for a while and then came back with nothing for food so we all starved until dinner and THEN my parents started telling us to clean and yelled that we were going slow(this was before dinner) and started arguing and then I just kinda stared off into space and some stuff happened. I forget what even happened but I do remember calling my friends and pretending I was happy. Stuff is weird and not everything goes our way in life. so like buh bye and stuff.

Errrrrmmmmmm October 13
So like hi, Class gets boring and dumb so expect a lot more blogs. HOOORAY!!!! anywasy what I have to say so far is things are getting better. A lot. I am more talkative and open. Very enerjectic i think idk(i woke up at 5 then woke up at 7 today). And ive been having no bad thoughs so far so very good stuff.

AHHHHUIBIDXWIUIBNEX XP October 12
I have zero clue how I got such an amazing boyfriend but he's absolutly amazing and he's so nice nd doen't care about what I look like. LORD PLEASE HELP ME!!! I JUST WANT TO CUDDLE WITH HIM FOREVER. HE DOESN THIS THING AND WHENEVER HE DOES IT I JUST DIE IN HIS ARMS! HE'S SO AMAZING HIS HAIR IS CURLY AND SOFT HIS FACE IS PERFECT AND HE IS SO NICE!!!!! >:3 buh bye (this will be most of my blog but also like not)

Back to regular programing October 11
Ive talked to people about this and they agree that I've been kinda weird about this because I shouldn't have these feeling and also Ive been talking to my friends and being more open to my boyfriend and it does make things a lot easier. I hope if anybody is going through something like this please reach out I know you hear it everywhere and are told it all the time it might even be annoying but it does help and people do care about you. Please never think that you don't deserve anything. There is always something to live for even if its the smallest thing. Thank you for listening and just stopping to read my blog thingy. This all makes me genuinly happy.(i dont care if I spelled anything wrong >:3)

Happy??? October 10
So i feel better than last time but I also still have the feeling of being scared... even then I've been getting better ive been talking to my friends and more open with my family but I feel like I shouldn't be. If that makes sense. I don't know I just a random kid(teenager) who doesn't have his shit together at all. I don't know how to feel. I guess I'll ask my friends and others. Thanks for listening I guess. Buh Bye.

Confused October 9
I have no clue what is happening but I'm so horrified of something I'm constantly scared shaking sometimes and not knowing what is going to happen. I am so scared can someone pleaase help me.

So like hi and stuff October 6
Umm so i had my dinner with friends it was okay but I think that was because I just talked to my friends and no one bothered me. I think I'm doing better but still I don't know what happened. So like uhhh and yeah ummm bye.

So stuff happened October 5
Firstly why are so many people actually reading this T^T. Secondly, I have been having very big high as the lowest lows so lets talk about them. I got to cuddle with my boyfriend which was really nice and fun. I love his stupid hair its so currly and soft. But then when I was walking something happened and I ran and tried to hurt myself whith a pocket knife I had found a couple days ago. I ran and threw the knife but my family found out because I was crying and then I realized I still had the knife and my family saw me holding it. I was questioned, yelled at, hugged, and taken somewhere. I got my meds back and was very close to being sent back to the assylum????(i still dont know what to call it) but when I went and my mom said the person there said that I wasn't compatable and it seems like I wasn't in a crisis. I dont know what was worse being taken there on my birthday or being told my problem wasn't impotant. I've always hated my birthday(october 4) somehow I've alwaysed managed to turn it into a shitshow and made everyone who was there uncomfotable. I hate the song. I hate the attention. I hate having all eyes on me. I wish someone would just take me somewhere and just give me company but for some reason I'm forced to see people I dont know and they all surround me telling me things, grabbing my shoulders, patting my back a little too hard and Im forced to sit there smile and act nice or else ill ruin our family reputation because this one kid doesn't like it. I just want a day where I can hang out with my friends and boyfriend and not have a care in the world but my family insists we go somewhere. I just want to slow down for one day spend each minute with someone just having company. I wish I could feel like myself but even at home I'm forced to be someone Im not in fear that my family will judge me. Brooke I know you will read this and I'm sorry I haven't spoken out about this and Im so sorry that i've been really shity and weird but I just can't handle all this and I have beem feeling very lost recently. To everyone who reads this I am getting better, I have meds, A therapist, amazing friends and family, and a very understanding boyfriend. I am sorry for not posting I've been dealing with all this. Brooke I need to thank you more for everything that you do and did for me I haven't said much or done anything and Im sorry. I guess thats all I might write more today. So like buh bye and stuff.

2 out of like idk October 2
Anyways we had a "night out" we just went to dennys and it ws fun we got to eat(I paid for most of it) and my boyfriend was holding me while we ate so it was reallllllllll good. I wanted to kiss him but then Brooke was like "GIVE THEM A KISS GOODBYE" and then we both felt akward cause someone pointed it out and I wanted to explode. so like yeah preeeeettty fun and I will put Brooke's synth in the rain and then we will be equal :] buh bye

1 out of like idk October 2
So homecoming happened and it was really fun I got to hang out with my friends and my boyfriend it was so much fun we hung out at fu$#&*@ Denny's after it was so stupid and we all died when we got home. I slept over at Brooke's that day too and I got to play with their millions of cats (their dog bandit wouldn't stop barking T^T) thats about it I guess for like that saturday anyways bye bye.

I forgot October 2
Im not going to lie and say I was busy and couldn't post but I kinda forgot about this so i will make either a very long one or multiple short ones. Idk and sorry

Two minutes later September 29
Not even that long after posting a blog about how this class is boring I get shit thrown at me out of nowhere and now I don't like myself anymore hooray this is so much fun its so great I love this. I hate this school.

Stuff anf tings September 29
Im boered in algebra which is just fancy math. And we have a subtitute today and It' booring as hell. So like igyerh uighlgjoisrdh iugrijgsihuroiud lghfigkwerh gdfbophsfibiocuiro juherljgiuherijguiprtj kgerugkljhtihup goihrhsiuper;jbsdfogq;b gbiu;jodgiuoy sjk;srb gsj gdiufyvhiudf hieihugjiorgbh ufdobfejlgkdhfugkj;er ihurfdk;jsghyer;bkjgupaehuig;ehiudhn[dfpiugdfj ubdfo lbihdfklg'jediu;gvndsoif vhj'odsrhgierkljbiupadjgvkj;dfhnbl kdshygioeljberjng'ioadh okdfjhgierjgo ierhnvk;jdbg kjrhgkldhgiovherigoerh ioghsiuvhd rkbheiogj thanks for coming to my ted talk.